Praise…

by Stephanie on March 5, 2015

The hardest thing for me to put up with is too much praise. I am talking compliments where people praise me and say, “You do a good job”…I don’t know how to respond to it. I grew up recieving a lot of negative stuff on what I did bad. Therefore when I do well, at first I like it but then I don’t know what to do with it.

ADHD has often made it difficult to live life the way others would classify as a normal life. It means I often have trouble recognizing when I am doing well. I don’t realize it at all. If I don’t know what I am doing well at, how can I know how to accept a compliment right? It took me forever not to run from compliments.

When I went to church, I often had problems singing in front of people. In my church I used to attend they wouldn’t clap after musical preformances. Therefore, they would save all their praise for what you had accomplished for later. 

I would often hide behind doors or in the bathroom until class had started so I wouldn’t get complimented. I would then walk into class and they couldn’t say anything to me because Sunday school had started.  

This worked for a while but every once in a while, they would find me and the compliments would begin again.  I hated this. I just wanted them to stop. I was just singing, I was doing what I liked there was no reason to compliment on it. Singing was like breathing to me.

I wonder how many other ADHDers have trouble accepting compliments. I have met a few. However, I have also met those who have the opposite end of the spectrum, they have to be complimented. They wait for it, almost crave it.

I don’t know how to love compliments, I still don’t completely as I never know how to respond but what I do know is learning is power.

So let’s learn how to accept PRAISE

P= Pocket the compliment. Often times we do not pocket the compliment because we don’t want to seem too prideful. Sometimes we think we don’t deserve it. But if we did a good job why don’t we deserve it? 

R= Racing for compliments. If you feel you are racing to recieve a compliment it probably isn’t a good thing. When you will run for anyone or anything just to get complimented, you will lose part of yourself and your values.

A= Appreciate it.Saying thank you is one way of allowing that person to feel like opening their mouth wasn’t scary and worthless. I didn’t know this before but sometimes complimenting people can be a hard job.

I= Include. If a compliment you get is on behalf of a team effort, do not forget to include the team. I don’t know how many times I have been complimented for something I did as a team at work and I alone recieved the compliment. I always refer back to my team. 

S= Smile. This was my biggest weakness when it came to taking compliments. I would look at people like a deer in headlights. I thought I did something wrong instead of good. 

E= Expressions. Non verbal cueing is part of this. I know I said smile but there is more to it than just putting a smile on your face. Look at your body language and theirs it will be easier to respond to.

So there you have it. Praise. I am learning to accept it and I hope that I have helped you with accepting praise heathily. 

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Anxiety and ADHD

by Stephanie on February 13, 2015

ADHD symptoms can be very interesting to say the least. When you are passionate and you worry others won’t be for instance, anxiety may happen. When you want something done right and procrastinate planning of it, you may become anxious.

Most ADHDers love the crunch time. However, do the people around you love it? Yesterday I dealt with an unmedicated person. I love this person very dearly. However, her anxious energy brought stress to a lot of people. Certain people that do not know her asked me, “Was she upset at us? Or is she just upset?”

I told them no, she is not upset, she just has a lot on her plate.

Anxiety found in me, you and the common ADHDer has a profound effect on others. They can feel it. If you are upset, they may feed off your energy and the situation becomes almost unbearable.

How do we deal with this?

UNDERSTAND ADHD, specifically yours. This may be tough to do. However, I have gotten my mother and others to help me spotting triggers that cause me to become very anxious.
Most of my personal anxiety woes have to do with not understanding what people are saying. Maybe they are communicating ineffectively with me or I with them. Whichever one it is, I am working with a councillor to be able to vocalize better and to ask more questions. This is beginning work for me.

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BREATHE! Fun part with being ADHD is the tendency to over think, over work and thus, over do. When we do these things, people get very upset with us. STOP! BREATHE! Ten deep breaths, breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth slowly.Upon every breath you breath out think, “Relax”. Other phrases you can use are: “I am at peace with myself” or “I am safe here and now”.
Taking a few deep breaths yesterday helped me a lot. I had to play piano yesterday. I have qualms about playing in public in general as for me, I play by ear. Different sounds can distract me. I need to remain focused. By breathing I was able to get back to it instead of focusing on others anxious energy.

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NOT EVERYTHING IS AS IT SEEMS! This is when Negative Monster enters stage left. The negative monster tells you mean stuff about yourself, others or the situation. It is not always as it seems. Sometimes you need to go into yourself and ask, “Is this situation right or am I making it bigger?” Other times you need a friend to ask that to. They see a bigger picture than you do as they are not emotionally, physically or socially attached to it.

BASIC NEEDS! My husband yells at me for this one all the time. Did I hydrate? This is usually the first cause of my anxiety. I didn’t eat or drink enough. If you find yourself overly anxious, drink/eat something.

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SUPPORT SUPPORT SUPPORT! I couldn’t live my life without this. I have good friends at work, I have my Step Mom who is probably about the best sounding board I have ever had. I have my husband.
Yesterday, I had to focus my one friend. As I knew what I needed for focus, it helped me to get answers. I touched her shoulder and made her do eye contact in order to receive answers I needed.

So to conclude, when you understand your ADHD, take a breath (Or ten), knowing the situation may be better than we think, meeting basic needs and getting support; we are able to become the best people we can be.

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100+

January 30, 2015

Our facebook page has reached above 100 and I never thought it would. I say to those people who read this blog, thank you. Thank you for supporting the dance of ADHD…the dips, the twirls and the flips that have brought me to an understanding of how wonderful we are as a community. I thought […]

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ADHD 101: Inattentive

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Stephanie here hoping all is well in ADHD land. Learning about your type of ADHD is important. I should know, I have ADHD. It took a long time for me to understand what that meant for me. What is more important though is going from diagnosis of ones self to seeing a doctor. That is […]

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ADHD 101: The Impulsive

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Hello, I’m Stephanie and I have ADHD. Well I guess you know that if you are following this page. However, what you may not know is, I have impulsive ADHD. Heh heh. It is quite frustrating. You can often find me fidgeting with something. I bite my nails at times (Wash my hands afterwards) I […]

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Before it was, “Where’s the perspective husband?” I was asked if I had found that special someone. People gave me unnecessary comfort that I didn’t know I needed being a single person. The more they asked, the more abnormal I felt. The more abnormal I felt about being single, the more desperate I became. I […]

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I shouldn’t have….

December 21, 2014

I had finished healthcare aide course but wanted more. I have no idea how but my sister convinced me I should be a social worker. Sara had signed me up for two summer classes. Both of which were nice but, really didn’t serve a purpose for where I was working. I didn’t really want to […]

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Marriage, Hobbies, Family and Friends

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Okay people, this is the funniest lesson I had to learn when I first got married. My husband is a great guy and I love him ever so much. However, do we have to spend every waking moment together? The answer is no. Do not get me wrong, I do lots with him. However, when […]

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Connecting

December 8, 2014

I am a person with ADHD, I feel I am different. I am special, I can create and I am very sensitive to others feelings. I am smart but do not always live up to my potential because sometimes I can’t. When people tell me that something should be obvious to me, it isn’t always […]

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