When will I be what I want to be?

by Stephanie on September 9, 2014

ADHD is not who I am but part of who I am. At times I am almost screaming wanting to just understand when I will become what I want to be. There are so many things I do want.

I want to for instance have my own place where I can paint the walls. I want to be able to afford a child without living with my parents. I want a lot of things.

However, I know that without a plan I will never be the best me. All of these things go on hold.

So what do you want to be? It is funny, they asked me this in high school. I didn’t know how to answer them. How can you know what you want to be at fifteen? I didn’t even know what I wanted for breakfast half the time.

Some of us can be very mature and know what they want. Others of us are still figuring it out one day at a time.

It took me a long time to discover what I wanted. I went from wanting be a surgeon to being a recreation therapy aide. At first I thought I was a failure, then I realized something. A surgeon fixes the bodies, I fix the hearts and souls of people.

How did I figure out what I was supposed to be? It took a long and lengthy process. However, I figured it out. Some of it was luck, being assigned there for work experience. The rest was hard work, school and upgrading.

For some of us though, our plans are written as we go. Others need some pointers, especially when our self esteem and priorities are off.

so here we go….

What do you want? Hard question to ask but important. Write down some of the things you want in life. Put them in smaller categories and break them down. If you have issues with writing it. Grab a friend.

Look in the mirror and say, “I am beautiful/handsome” Sounds weird right? I know, but to be able to love yourself and mean it means the world. If you love you then others have a much easier time loving you. If you don’t believe in yourself others won’t believe in you either.

Talk to others and be willing to change. Sometimes you need the criticism in order to understand yourself. It is not easy to hear. Sometimes a spouse can give you advice that is tough to hear. However, remember, it is probably tough because it is true. You want to be the best you? Well then you have to change yourself…no one else can do it for you.

Shadow someone who looks successful. There is nothing worse than not knowing how to do it, become what you want to be. Someone who has been there and done that, may be able to help you. I have had to shadow others to figure out how to function as a person better as sometimes my parents were unable or ill equip to be my role models.

SMILE SMILE SMILE! A smile goes a long way. Makes you look confident and tricks your brain into being confident. Ha! Love how the brain works, don’t you?

There are more suggestions that have helped me and others but we’ll get into that later.

Mainly just remember, you are the only one who is holding you back. You can do anything.


Why Can’t you keep your word?

by Stephanie on September 5, 2014

A story once came to mind. A woman had told slandered other people. She one day wanted to make emends. However, she had hurt so many of them that she wondered how she would go about erasing it all.

When her many attempts failed, she went to a wise guru who she told, “Sir, they said you were the wisest in the land. I am trying to become a better person. I want people to trust me again. I want to become a better person and without them forgetting what happened, I never will be.

The guru thought about this for a moment.
“Do you have a feathered pillow?” He questioned.

She nodded

“Take the feather pillow, rip it apart. Stick a feather on each door step of people you wronged and come see me tomorrow,” The guru advised her.

The woman did as the guru said, a feather on each doorstep. The next day, she came to him once more.

“Now,” Said the guru, “I want you to gather all the feathers.”

“That’s impossible! They have all flown away,” The woman told the guru.

“As with trust, it is next to impossible to forget the trust you have broken with these people your friends. Just as it is to gather those feathers. However, in time new feathers of trust may come, you will wrap them in a pillow and not let them go.”

Trust is an important subject. If you don’t accomplish a project on time, you hurt your team at work. If you make a habit of this, it may turn into a vat of distrust you cannot swim in.

Sometimes we don’t keep our word for a variety of reasons. My biggest one is memory. Someone I know was having a birthday but wasn’t doing anything for it. I told him I would get him a donut or a cake or something. However, since my memory has proved to let people down, I also asked him to remind me.

The day before came, he reminded me sort of…”You told me to remind you of what day it is tomorrow.” Thought about it for minutes wondering if he want me to make sure to have my board written out just so. Then it hit me.

I quickly made an alarm on my phone and got him his donut.

Doesn’t always turn out that well. I forgot to go with my brother to gay pride because I made double plans by accident. I am proud of who he is and wanted to celebrate him. But I forgot the date and had booked family stuff.

Another reason not to keep ones word, is self worth. We feel so bad about ourselves it is hard to keep a promise. My moment in this was a promise to be someones girlfriend. However, a friend of mine threatened not to be my friend if I continued dating this boy. I broke up with him and lied saying I had cheated on him because I didn’t feel I was worthy of love.

Another reason why we break ones trust is we never meant what we said in the first place. Almost telling someone we’ll do something just to shut them up. You have to ask yourself though, is just saying it to shut them up going to make them happy or sad? Will it hurt your relationship?

You may break your word when you can’t see the benefit or you think the person doesn’t know what they are asking you to do. Maybe you don’t see how doing this task will allow you to become better. In addition, you may think you know more or know better than they do.

Sad fact of life is once you break this trust it is hard to get it back. It may effect how the person sees you or even your personal relationship with them.

What you have to ask, is is worth losing that trust? Figure out why you may not be keeping your promises. Whether it is self worth, forgetfulness, not seeing it as worthwhile or not trusting in the persons judgement. Reevaluate it.


Where’s my ship?

September 4, 2014

I remember watching a movie once where there was a big hurricane that blew through an island. Island life is often dependant on a ship that comes in and brings supplies. The islanders were asked to gather all the food and it would be rationed until the next ship came in. People died on the […]

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How much am I worth?

August 21, 2014

Sometimes people forget how much they are worth. They deal with worth on success stories like finishing a goal. When it is over they feel like they are not worth anything as they are no longer accomplishing something. Other people deem themselves worthwhile when they are rich or perfectly beautiful.   I think of this […]

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Not Everything is as Bad as it seems

August 12, 2014

This morning I was all annoyed as I couldn’t find my step counter that I had gotten for the Wii U fit. That thing has been a fun joy in my life. I have often loved using it. It tells me how good or bad I have done in a day. However, this morning I […]

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Know Yourself

August 9, 2014

It is an amazing feat when you try to keep up with someone when you can’t. My husband is a man who can often speed through tasks like they were nothing. I am much slower and need more breaks. It is something I have had to learn as we went on a road trip, know […]

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Why Do I attract Drama?

July 9, 2014

Drama land is easy to get sucked into. One of the main reasons why it is for people with ADHD is it is often a release from ones own problems. Whether work drama or otherwise, we must be careful to know our boundaries. I remember times of having gab sessions that turned into more stress […]

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Reasons I’m jealous of my wife’s ADHD and why I love her for it

June 13, 2014

It’s been flattering and unsettling when my wife, Stephanie, posts these wonderful articles about her love for me and how I’ve helped her. Sometimes I wonder if I deserve such praise. I’ve been remiss in my duties to adhdexpression this past year, but she has kept things up as she shares her personal struggles with […]

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An ideal mate

May 12, 2014

Michael Hurd, what a man. I get compliments all the time on how supportive and loving of a husband I have. It is great to know that he is there for me. However, I have learned through the grapevine this doesn’t always occur for people with ADHD. So what is the problem? Is it us? […]

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