Groom Anxiety and the case of ADHD

by Stephanie on January 20, 2016

  

Before marrying my husband in 2012, a few weeks before to be exact, my husband was anxious about being married to me. My husband as wonferful as he is, sometimes brings things up in the strangest manner. We were out with our friend Mark (Not real name). He looks at him and begins talking as if I wasn’t there. 

Michael said, “What if she is just hyper focusing on me and that’s why we are getting married? What if after we are married she gets bored of me and moves on?”

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Why would he talk like I wasn’t here? Why would he think I would stop loving him?

Mark and him began discussing the issue. I felt horrible about this whole thing. I felt like I should ot even be in the room. I got upset. When Mark went to the bathroom I wanted to leave, to walk home. I told Michael I couldn’t believe him! I couldn’t believe after two years of knowing each other it came down to hyper focus. 

I stormed out. It was ten O’clock at night. I knew the way home although it was dark and late. I called my Dad realizing how stupid it would be to walk home. He picked me up and said words to me I’ll never forget, “You and Michael are getting married. That means even though I am here to talk to, you talk out your problems with him. I can listen and be a Dad but HE will be your husband.”

After a few more minutes of discussion, Dad brought me back to the diner. The boys had just finished up. Dad rolled down the window and made it clear that it was our job to solve problems together. 

I realized after talking to Dad that all men go through anxiety as well as women before marriage. His happened two weeks before, mine happened the day of our wedding. 

Move forward four years. I am more in love with him than I was. Why? I learn everyday what kind of a man he is. 

Michael’s worries about my ADHD were valid but were not true. I am and am not hyperfocused on my husband. He is the light of my life and I would do almost anything for him within reason. However, I have yet to get bored of him.

  

With our anniversary approaching. I think about how amazing these four years have been. I am so lucky to have someone who constantly deals with my disorder. He is there through anxiety, forgetting where I put everything and racing off when I forget an appointment. I think about how he has pushed me even when I think I can’t do it. 

I am so happy he didn’t listen to the anxiety due to my ADHD and that my Dad made me go back to work it out. 

ADHD is the third member of our marriage. It often means messy house moments and unpredictability. However, he and I dance through it every day. 
  
Thank you Michael for getting married. It was a cold day but your heart made it warm. 

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Cars, ADHD and Anxiety

by Stephanie on January 18, 2016

So once again it was driving time.  I was trying to do everything humanly possible to control my anxiety. I had a breakfast with protien, I drank two teas, took medicine for my headache and even began to clean. I couldn’t understaND WHY I WAS SO ANXIOUS!

So I went to the bathroom and my front door opened and there was my husband. We were talking which of course calmed me down. I was so glad to see him. He is often times my soothing grace (And other times makes me anxious but I love him for pushing me anyway).

Anyway, the phonecall came that my driving instructor was outside. All of a sudden, I couldn’t for the life of me remember where my purse was. I looked in the kitchen…the livingroom. I couldn’t see it! The anxiety was back. I thought to myself: Great, we just covered how much it costs if he shows up and I am not there, $50!

Remember though, Michael was there. He saw my purse blended in with the stairs. I was ready to go. 

 

 
So in the driving classroom, the instructor said we could skip things if we wanted to, one was downtown and the other was traffic circles. However, we would have to let the instructor know when we got in the car.

  
I get into the car and the instructor says: We are going to ddo highway driving today and go downtown, are you okay with that?

I looked at him and said: I am nervous about it I’ll admit.

To which he replied: So in other words, ready or not here I come. Don’t worry, my main priority is to make you feel comfortable. So we will start by making sure you are not nervous and you are safe.

SAFE! Now that word I like. being safe was the best idea to me. He showed me stuff on paper to make sure I had the concept. 

Before even getting to downtown I was scared of messing up….so I messed up. I ruened into the wrong lane. I had to remind myself that when I drive I can’t second guess myself. The instructor agreed. Someone yelled at me and all I could think was:that’s fair. 

Downtown was about to happen whether I thought I was ready for it or not. So first was getting onto a street I have been on a hundred times with Michael but have never really driven on more than a few minutes. I got downtown and he began giving me instructions…and making me read the direction signs more than I have in my entire life. Before he would just say left or right turn. Now I had to find the road. I had to make sure it was a two way or a one way. 

For people who aren’t ADHD, please understand it takes us twice to four times as much work to concentrate. 

As I have been driving, I have had to do a few tricks. I talk myself into staying in my own lane and following curves. I have to remind myself people have stop signs and it is okay to go. I have to call out pedestrians like I used to call out punch buggies. 

This is a lot of work! I don’t want to kill someone, I want to be safe. I want to be in the right lane. I want people not to have to beep at me.

I did well for the rest of the trip until I was coming back. He was asking me what does the diamond mean? I couldn’t figure out where the diamond was  and as I was busy looking for it, the instructor stopped the car. Why?

 

I was so busy trying to find the nonexistant diamond on the road I failed to stop. Too bad I found out where the diamond was after.

 
Well mine didn’t quite look like this. It had a picture of a taxi and a bus. But yes, this is what I was supposed to tell him!

So yes, downtown was not as scary. as I thought.
 However, I could not blieve how different it was to drive on the highway! I also did not figure out why I couldn’t seem to maintain speed…until I was off of it. I was too embarassed to tell my instructor my seat was not quite as adjusted as I would have liked it to be. 

Well I managed to stay fairly close to 100 kms an hour. 

Another sucess story today I only changed lanes badly once and it was because I hyperfocused on a car. But I didn’t turn into it. I just didn’t lane change. I eveentually was able to do the lane change.

I am very happy I still went driving. I am becoming a little more confident. Though I told him backing up and parking will be my next challeneges. Wish me lucky moments because ready or not, I am trying this. I may be nervous but I am getting there. 

  

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Attack of the phone Games

January 17, 2016

   There are certain games on phones that are godsends for me. Scrabble, puzzle games and bejewelled. They are the games that help me when life is a bit boring or I have to wait. However, there are some that literally take all the life out of me because they simply replace my life. Getting […]

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Learning to drive…AAAHH!

January 16, 2016

   My husband had enough of my excuses and signed me up for lessons. Boy did I have excuses. I don’t have money. We just bought a house and that is the cost of our mortage. I am too busy to drive. You see, I haven’t wanted to drive. I really did not like the […]

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Frustrated with my ADHD

October 20, 2015

Dear Frustrated One, Whoever you may be. To the person who says “Why can’t You?” To the people who are sick of repeating things. To those who don’t understand why the same “Lesson” must be taught over and over again. You may have not noticed but I have ADHD. I may have chosen to tell […]

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But it’s almost done

September 12, 2015

I love my mother in-law and my in-law family. I love them so much that sometimes I am afraid of showing them the joys I have being ADHD. I have this dream plan of having them over and my house is all painted and beautiful. We have a dinner cooked by me for them (As […]

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My Dearest First Place

July 24, 2015

Dear first place I ever moved into, I know I was a slow bloomer. I even moved into you on sore terms literally. I had injured my neck and couldn’t move without help. On the first day living on my own, I thought I saw a burglar (really was just my roommate). I was scared […]

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Symptoms of ADHD: Emotion Control troubles 

July 9, 2015

   People can become out of control in a matter of minutes. Imagine though a hightened sense of emotion where it didn’t take all day to snap but maybe fifteen minutes. This can be quite frusterating. You want to act a certain way and you try but don’t always show the right results. Often times, […]

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Symptoms of ADHD: Impulsive

June 2, 2015

It has been my pleasure to bring to you the symptoms of ADHD broken down into a singular article, that is one symptom at a time. We are now on my favourite enemy and friend, Impulsivity. My doctor who diagnosed me said, if he would change one letter in ADHD for me it would look […]

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