Fat Girl Syndrome

by Stephanie Hurd in Uncategorized

February 21, 2012 • 1 comment

 I am currently looking at a picture of me—seven years ago. I am about 185 pounds at five foot three. According to experts, I wasn’t just overweight, I was obese. I look about forty five—at age 19 years old. At that time, people constantly mistook me for being my brothers’ mother. I work in healthcare, every evening after I would work, I would have lower back pain. I couldn’t do stairs without being out of breath.

 What else suffered? My love life, now that really suffered. I didn’t get dates because people thought I was pretty, I got them because people felt sorry for me or for my personality. The boys that all the girls dreamed about were very hard to even get to glance at me. I went to a church that had a single’s sect where they would place people 18-30 together to meet and marry. I lovingly referred to this congregation as the meat shop group. Pick up the best meat and leave. The problem was, the girls stole all the vibrant contestants leaving me with the spoiled bits.

 Not to say that these gentlemen didn’t have their good points. However, one thing you have to learn when you have ADHD is do not choose ones who will bore you. If you do, you will spend your life looking elsewhere for adventure. The second thing to note (for everyone, not just those with ADHD) you need to find someone who compliments you. (Notice, I didn’t use the word complete as I feel only you can make yourself complete, no one else can do that for you. A husband can however, help you to meet your own goals to feeling complete.)

 At my weight, I didn’t expect perfection in a man. Most of the time, I didn’t look for anyone who was super good looking and if I did, I merely shrugged them off as eye candy. Something pretty to look at but too good for me; so I left those fine grades of “Meat” on the shelf and went for people who I deemed had a good heart.

 Going back to the picture, I remember the friendships I had. They were mainly with girls who had what I called the Fat Girl Syndrome or FGS. My other guy friend nicknamed my group of friends, “The Doom Squad” and always questioned why I would bother with them. They were emotional time bombs. They were radical and sometimes scary, socially, not knowing how to blend in a group.

 Well if you know anything about FGS you will learn about the fixation with being noticed for something besides your weight. FGS girls know they’re overweight and know others are aware of it too. They get down on themselves for it all the time and always think people are staring. (So the next time you want to say something mean to a FGS girl, don’t. They do a great job on their own)

 FGS girls try their best to flaunt whatever qualities people love. That way, they can weaken the bothersome focus people put on weight. FGS girls can often create a bubble for themselves so that people don’t hurt them as easy, a new identity.

 One friend, Cindy (Not her real name) would buy expensive clothes to make herself feel better about herself as well as a lot of makeup. She had glasses to match each outfit. Cindy was pretty in spite of her weight but don’t mention her weight or she would go off like a time bomb. She was extra sensitive. Cindy had many good points, she had an explosive sense of humour and a generous heart most of the time. I could always see the good in her.

Another friend, Tina (Not real name), I knew was very loud and abrupt to make sure everyone heard her. Tina was also center of gossip city and constantly wanted to know what was going on with other’s lives. She laughed the loudest but also got offended very easily over skinny girls talking about their weight problems, “They don’t know what fat is,” She would sneer. She had the biggest crush on my brother as he treated her kind in spite of her weight.

 Then there was me. My natural ADHD mode made my FGS syndrome worse. My job was to be Mother Hen. My job was the official solver of problems. I was also the clown. My job was to entertain people. People with ADHD often feel that in order to be accepted, they have to give all of themselves. You can imagine how burned out I would become. I had to have the biggest energy.

 For my love life, if someone hotter than I had an experience, I had to tell an equally formidable one. I was quite the show off but to no avail. I was everyone’s best friend, almost like a guy friend for my love life. One by one, all the good guys were taken.

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 We also tense up in pictures, never believing we look good enough. The low self esteem really takes its toll on people. They think they will look ugly thus they do.

 The next biggest issue with FGS is that any guy that treats us with a shred of respect or kindness, we latch on for dear life. We are fascinated by them and think maybe there is a prayer that we could date someone. Most of the time, these guys just want to be friends with us as they like who we are as people; they never see us as dating material. We make up fantasies about marrying this person. We write their last name with our first name.

 I did this with one fellow named David (Not real name). He was a teacher, he played the guitar just like me and was amazing to talk to. I hoped one day I would marry David and we could play and sing together. He was a teacher and was living on his own. He could care for himself and didn’t need a mother but more of a companion. I was all over this. It was my personal goal to marry him. I would giggle, flirt, talk of my talents and so much more. I wore make up, started buying pretty clothes but my efforts were for nothing. He married a 5’6 skinny brown haired office assistant. I was devastated. Why couldn’t he see we were perfect for each other?

 This is how a vast amount of my life went as a Fat girl Syndrome girl. The next “Symptom” in this horrible FGS process is not feeling good enough to have great things when you most certainly are good enough. FGS girls often settle for low grade things. FGS girls with ADHD settle for even lower. Not only are you told you are fat but also that you’re not smart or that you’re lazy. You attribute your weight gain to the idea that you’re idle. You blame your weight for not fitting in.

 FGS girls soon conclude, they deserve mediocre and they will never get the best they can get. So, they settle, sometimes for the worst job. They settle for someone just because they actually ask them on dates. They simply do not look at all the facts as they feel they can’t afford to. This could be their only chance at happiness or only chance to have a job.

 Why do they do this? If you had been burned or shot down enough, you would feel you weren’t worth it either. So, advice time, why are we doing this? Why are we shooting down people based on weight? Look at the media. If a girl isn’t the sexy lingerie model, the boy isn’t usually concerned. Also, people making fun of large people is not healthy.

 Boys, stop and think—maybe this girl has feelings. You don’t have to date her but don’t dish her either. Her self esteem is already low to the ground. Be honest with her. It doesn’t mean be rude, but be honest that you don’t want to date her if you are not finding her to compliment you. Men, also remember, you could find a treasure, so it doesn’t mean avoid fat girls because many of them have the most beautiful personalities.

 Women and men, treat people with kindness. Everyone has their shortcomings. Each individual requires love and understanding. Take it from someone who knows what being different is. Remember, girls who are overweight, I love you personally even though I don’t know you. I love you because I know a bit of what you go through every day as I went through it. Love yourselves for who you are and when you are ready you will accept your weight and not be a victim, but just be happy for who you are. Once I was happy with whom I was, I was able to go through the gruelling process of losing the weight. How you ask? Well, that’s a whole article on its own….