The funny part about ADHD is we can get into a hyper focus of emotions. I am very well known for such hyper focus emotional episodes. I am so lucky to have a husband that is supportive and helps me out through all of these emotions. I see it as a box with a window. I can see the window, I can go through this window if I open it however, I have to be able to do just that, open the window. Sometimes with ADHD all we can see are the walls of the box, we can see the light coming through on the walls of the box. We don`t want to focus on the way out or we can`t figure out how.
My husband had asked me if I would want to go to an event with my sister in-law, future brother in-law and brother in-law. At the last minute, Mom told me of an event at my Grandparents house. I was upset but knew I had already made plans with Michael’s family and wasn’t going to bring it up. Unfortunately after getting home with my Mother, it slipped—medicine wore out. I told Michael how much I did want to but how I was ready to sacrifice my day as we already had plans.
Was not prepared for what Michael was about to do. Although I knew I would have fun that day, I was almost having troubles waking up or getting out of bed. As Michael’s sister phoned, he told her we were cancelling. WHAT?! No, I told him not to worry about it. It wasn’t that big of a deal and I had gotten over the sadness of not being there. However, he had cancelled. I told him he could phone her back and we could still go. He wouldn’t even here of it!
We had laundry issues in the morning so we were late (The joys of shared laundry). Anyway, but when we got there, seeing my brother (Who I hadn’t been spending a lot of time with) was almost like heaven as he is my second best friend in the whole world (My husband being my first best friend). I talked with him, Grandma, Grandpa, Mom and Michael.
We left the “Youthfully Challenged” to their many topics and went for a ride out in the country. It was beautiful seeing all the many farmers’ fields, horses prancing like dancers on a stage. Some sitting and grazing on old grass. The various trees almost seemed to be waving to the car. I really loved the car ride. My husband and his long legs all cramped up in the back seat. I continued to peer at him, smiling.
There were a few glitches with the day. The laundry and being late were one. We were out of a few essential necessities of life. However, I wasn’t getting upset over it. The door finally opened and I sighed in relief. I became distracted by some science thing, that made us more late. Grandma served grilled cheese sandwiches and soup lunch (for all those who know about ADHD, Grains burn through ADHD people the same way a forest fire can kill acres of land). Grandma was serving ham for dinner and ham doesn’t agree with my tummy.
So, before I go on with my day I must let you know, since writing this blog, I have been able to come out of these emotional “Boxing” moments faster. I have begun looking within myself for solutions for both those who read and myself.
The laundry thing was out of my control and with Tag team effort it was nipped in the butt. With the Ham thing, Michael had seen the energy drain enough times to know, we weren’t staying for a dinner of just potatoes, corn and buns.
I began getting all whinny and grumpy though on the drive home. Yep, the bread high was done, and my energy put out of commission. Oh this rant went on and on. I was sad that Mom had invited me to another event but I was booked (I was going to my Mother in-law’s delicious Easter dinner which I wanted to go to). I was upset at her! I knew she had been working but had invited me too late to make something work. I also was not thrilled about being on the go all weekend. I was just whining.
Michael knew I needed food but also knew he could do something with this sour mood. He took me shopping. You see, my brother critiqued my clothing choice (As in my old job I couldn’t wear anything but one color and now I was wearing that day) and Michael knows how much I love hippie styled clothes. He brought me to look around. I was excited by the color even though I was tired. I bought a few new outfits, sporting one of them directly after my purchase.
It is useful to purchase generic cialis because only at online drug store. The dose may be increased to ronaldgreenwaldmd.com buy viagra online 20 mg or decreased to 25 mg. ask your health care provider any questions may have about how to use kamagra. A Homocysteine (Hcy) Assay is a liquid stable system largely used for in-vitro quantitative determination of total L-homocysteine get viagra sample in serum or plasma. But, fortunately, many of us install an antivirus program on our computers which protects them against all kinds of virus attacks; it is like a viagra in italy protective shield that keeps computers safe and secure.
We then went out to eat. I was so happy! Michael was so happy! As we went out, nothing could soil my day. Butternut squash soup, a tuna salad that was fit for a queen. Suddenly, I was hit in the head by a server’s tray BAM! Could have turned my mood sour but instead, I showed her a picture of a cute smiling kitty to make her feel good. Michael and I got free desserts.
So you see, my sour mood was changed. It was changed because my husband was so preciously patient. He knows me so well he figured out the comment about the sweater bothered me. He aided me in a good day.
Spouses, you can be the greatest support in your ADDer partner’s life. They will have sour days and may not know how to open the window. To you, it is an easy task, “just open it and stop staying in your box”. Or in other words, “just snap out of it”. Sometimes, it just isn’t that easy!!! We can’t see that window. However, you can help them by offering a ladder out of the top of the box. That’s what Michael did for me.
He offered me rope ladders I didn’t even realize I needed. He allowed me to see beauty and how much he loves me through his actions. His lovely deeds made me inspired to do things for him. I gave him a massage and I paid for the dinner.
ADDers, remember, these hyper focus moments are most frustrating to you yes but don’t forget, your spouse! They love you but they need you too! They need you to love them back and show them your love you have for them. It stinks when they have to pick up the slack at times but they do it for you! They make you feel special. Don’t forget to put them on the award list for best spouse ever. I mean really! They deal with a lot.
So ADDers, do something special for your spouse. I try to cook at least one amazing meal for him a day. You can also shock him and make the bed. Maybe it is writing your spouse a thank you or I love you note. You’ll know what to do but just do it.
Remember to accept their ladders they offer. ADDer, the ladder your spouse is giving you is a ladder of love, so use it. Accept their help because like it or not, we have weaknesses just as they do. Wouldn’t you do anything to help them through a crisis? I know I would do anything for my husband.
Anyway, to end, remember to smile, breathe and keep on learning as I will keep on learning.