This one is a challenge for me, inner peace. Making peace with myself has always been a difficulty because I take things so hard. I remember a time when I was learning how to be a nursing attendant, I was making excuses everytime a person told me I was doing something wrong. I would then go home and beat myself up about not being good enough or not having enough intelligence.
One point in time at my practicum my instructor finally had enough. She told me, “Just do it. Don’t think about an excuse to why you did it or what happened, just correct it and just do it!”
That phrase would ring through my head a few hundred times over the next nine years. Sometimes when I had already made an excuse, I would hear it, “Just do it!” or in other words, just accept that you did it wrong, apologize and move on.
What stinks with people with ADHD, we try to “excuse” our behavior. That’s one way we don’t allow inner peace. Another way we close the door to inner peace is we put too much on our plates. Moreover, we try to look at helping everyone else before ourselves.
Excusing your behavior is a barrier. It brings about anger from you or the other party. Excusing your behavior attaches fear into your world. You forget that it is perfectly normal to make mistakes. Instead of facing them, we fear the getting yelled at part. Thus, we allow our behavior we have just excused to hold us back.
Often, I have noticed even in my own life the amount of things I stuff into one day is out of control. Let’s take todays lovely procrastination. I was all revved up to go. Wanting to clean the bathroom, the kitchen, the table and more to surprise Michael. Hee hee. I sat down at the TV to finish my breakfast and found a touching movie that I couldn’t let go of. I watched it and enjoyed, crying my eyes out.
I finished my breakfast. I remembered, “Right, I didn’t finish making the juice.” I finished making it, took my medicine finally. However, I remembered I wanted to shave my legs. I didn’t want to clean the bathroom first otherwise I would have to clean out the tub twice. So I had my bath and felt marvelous.
I went to the kitchen realizing I needed to go and eat something before cleaning when my brother phoned. I began to clean off the table instead and forgot about the food I had heated. I went and drew something as I knew today I had time to write in my blog.
Then, finally started the kitchen…
You see what happened? I got attached to many things and forgot my responsibilities. It is now almost five and I got one room done and part of the kitchen table done. So what could have I accomplished? Well, I could have taped the movie on TV. I allowed myself to get caught up in distractions.
Helping others instead of yourself is good and all but, you need to come first. You need to get your own ducks in a row otherwise your life will stay in a state of anger, frusteration, fear, attatchment to an issue or suspicion.
So how do we start? How am I having to learn inner peace?
Take your life back to first principles your life…
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Do you waste too much time? Set limits. Sometimes, if I need to have fun time but know I need to get things done, I set my microwave timer for a certain amount of time. When it goes off, it means clean up and get to what you need to do. If you forget to set the timer and waste time, don’t beat yourself up, there’s always another day to practice this skill.
Write K.I.S.S. somewhere. No, don’t kiss everyone. But remember, Keep it Simple Silly! Remind yourself to cut out things that make you stressed…and deligate where you can.
Accept what is…
I have ADHD, it’s who I am. I can’t be anyone else but me. However, that aside, I can continously try to better myself. What I can’t do is expect others to be the way I want. That only leads me to frustration. It leads me to anger.
We have someone at work Jane (Not her real name) who is very pregnant. She is now down to four hour days and the other girls are worried about her every move. Is she really working? Is she just being lazy? How hard is it to work? We have lots of pregnant people around, why does she think she’s special?
Expectations, look what happens to you? A person becomes consumed by them, hurt by them, almost threatened by these silly expectations they have put on people.
Accept there are hardships in the world. Life is hard. There cannot be peace without the opposite, disturbance. However, we have to breathe and say, “Okay, it’s happening, what can I do about it? If I can’t do anything, how can I let it go?” It isn’t easy for anyone to do, least of all me. However, I know I have been having to learn this more and more.
Forgive…
I have had to do a lot of forgiving lately. I have had to forgive my mom. I have had to forgive my Dad. It is a hard thing but remember, attachment to anger, fear and suspicison will only eat at you. It will attach you to the person you’re angry and and chain them to a negative memory they cannot see.
It hurts you more than it will ever hurt them. Thus, often times, you also have to forgive yourself for holding onto this memory and allowing it to consume you. It does consume you, you know. It creates a program that you have to try and erradicate, a virus. So forgive, forgive others and yourself.
Take your Time…
Stop rushing everything, it will happen when it happens. Stop and do what you love. Walk in nature, hike. If you are religious go to church. If you’re not, live for whatever else keeps your heart calm and at peace. Meditate, Meditate, let things drift away.
So as always, if you know more ways to accomplish inner peace, I am here to learn. I always am looking for things that work for people. I am Stephanie, I have ADHD and I am learning to be at peace with myself.