Michael and I have been staying up far too late lately, and now I am realizing how it effects my moods. The biggest problem for me is not staying asleep, it is getting to sleep. I need to sleep more and I admit it. When you don’t sleep properly, you don’t understand things as easily as you would normally. Ergo, fights take place in what should be loving relationships.
Everything can kill my sleep patterns including, too much distraction before bed, not enough unwinding time after work or just too much noise going on outside. It can be most frustrating. You know you need to sleep but can’t, there is something in the pathway of your bed or you just can’t turn off your brain.
Eventually you have to sleep or catch up on sleep at the very least. It is too important to just forget about, hard to live without. I have had so many problems with hyper-focus. Where I am so immersed in what I am doing I cannot seem to stop. It is annoying when your husband has brushed his teeth and flossed, and, you don’t notice.
Sometimes as people with ADHD you need a tap on the shoulder or someone to almost stand just in the corner where you can see them. Hyper-focusing means I cannot get myself out of the train of thought I am in. The thought could be almost anything. You could be thinking about making cookies, it may be a late hour but you don’t care you want to get them done. I could be playing a game and do it for hours.
I know somewhere inside of myself that I need to sleep. Sometimes, I even say to myself, “Okay, this is your last time playing this game,” or… “Just make the cookie dough and go to bed.” Sometimes, this works. Other times, my body almost takes control and pushes the button to start another game or, turns the stove to 350 degrees.
It probably is more of annoying as you want to stop what you’re doing but you just can’t.
Michael has called me from the other room saying, “Are you coming?”
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I like writing about this to give a spouse or a parent insight. You see, this can be very frustrating to a loved one. They almost have to force you to go to bed or to do something that isn’t interesting. They have to figure out a way into your world. I know more women that have an ADHD spouse than men that do not have it but their wives have it, The biggest complaint from the women is about their communication.
The woman wants to know why the guy can spend hours doing what he loves but can’t focus on a task that to you is simple, going to bed. The answer is, we just can’t. We can’t always stop ourselves to do what we should do. We also do not always understand hints, hints should be considered useless. Just because you think when you brush your teeth that’s an indicator of bed time, doesn’t mean your partner hears the electric toothbrush or even knows you have gotten your Jammie’s on.
I can only imagine how annoyed my husband gets when his hints go un-noticed, he tries hints all the time. I have told him countless times that hints do not work.
You have to remember loved ones, ADHD lives here. Simply meaning, your partner isn’t going to eventually get the hints that you are going to bed thus they should too. They cannot change how their brain operates, not completely anyway. Medication helps, awareness builds skills but, there is no cure for ADHD…nothing will make me think like a person without ADHD, period.
I don’t try to wish my ADHD away as it isn’t going anywhere so what’s the point? I am though trying to realize what my body is doing, why it does it and how I can make it work better for me. I know it starts with a good night sleep. hopefully one day I will learn my limits and what I need to sleep better
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I wish that after the 100th time of a friend and loved one dropping a hint then getting frustrated that they would just listen
to me when I say that hinting doesn’t usually work and to just tell me. They sometimes get frustrated and if they want to have us work with them, well, they also need to be willing to work with us. In any relationship, this is true. What is hard to understand about that, lol. If you have said many tunes it’s better if you___, why doesn’t that get heard, but then get mad at you for similar things, it’s hypocritical. How do you fix this?
In any case you have to remember that you cannot change the other person anymore than they can change you. It stinks, they want to change you and you want to change them. The real key is change yourself. Hints will still not work however, when they get frustrated with you, you can validate their feelings by saying to them why you think they are angry and wait for them to tell you if that is it.
When they say yes, then you have validated their feelings, now you move on to tell them how you saw the scenario. Passive aggressive people do not always know they are doing what they are doing. They give you hints and expect you to know what they want done. Instead, if you just tell us, we’ll get it.
Hmmmm, something to ponder about. I agree with you, I have dine validation which works sometimes but doesn’t other times. Maybe it’s the way I go about, but adding in how I saw the scenario may help. Still can’t stand how it’s oh you have adhd and you need to work with me attitude but it’s not reciprocated much, happens with many people, lol. Thanks for your food for thought!
I hate it too. I hate how if I talk about how excited I am that I understand I have ADHD people almost become mad at me.