Michael Hurd, what a man. I get compliments all the time on how supportive and loving of a husband I have. It is great to know that he is there for me. However, I have learned through the grapevine this doesn’t always occur for people with ADHD.
So what is the problem? Is it us? Is it them? Is it both?
In a world that is fast paced it is hard to find the perfect mate…as there is none! WHAT?! Yeah I know, the fairytales have lied to us for years. No one relationship will keep you completely entertained. No one person will change everything about himself to be your perfect someone. No one partner will EVER be able to keep you happy.
So what’s the point then? COMPANIONSHIP of course. We cannot sit there and think that we don’t need human contact. We would just be kidding ourselves. However it is important to chose someone that get out of your way when you are happy.
So here we go…
WHAT’S in YOUR HEAD?? Yeah I know, this is not about a mate. However, your mind has something to do with finding somebody to love. Ask questions about yourself, like what you think a date should look like for yourself. Why should it all depend on the guy?
From what I have learned, it can’t. Michael is a part of my life and I love that. However, only I had the power to know what I need and what I want. I needed someone who could deal with the ADHD part of me, the passionate but forgetful me.
If you don’t know yourself and get lost in your mate, you will lose what makes you special.
BECOME WHAT YOU WANT IN A MATE! I cannot stress this enough. Okay, you want to be able to have a comfortable lifestyle and want for nothing. Well that’s all well and good but why does it all depend on him??? (Yes I will keep saying it).
I wanted someone smart for instance. I wanted someone who could debate with me. I wanted it to be able to end on a good note. Therefore, I have to be what I want in my mate or our relationship will never work. I read books. I have to learn not to take everything personally. Just because he is right doesn’t mean I am a stupid person.
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Until you love yourself, you will find those who want to take advantage of you. You will find people who want you to mother them or take care of them, not a mutual friendship.
Love yourself, the rest will follow.
VARIETY= choice. You can’t figure out what you want in someone unless you have been on dates with people. Funny huh? I went on various dates, even if I didn’t like the person. By doing this, I learned about qualities I wanted and qualities I couldn’t put up with.
In the end, doing this gave me more choice. It also allowed me to see my husband to know who I wanted and why I wanted it. Nice huh?
THIS IS NOT A RACE! When you move too fast (ADHD people we are good at this) we end up either scaring the person or we end up going for someone who isn’t right for us.
Take it from the girl who almost got married to a man she’d known for a week. (Thank goodness my impulsiveness went away long enough to plan a longer engagement and a quick dumping time)
Anyway, you don’t have to know tomorrow if he is going to marry you. Get to know one another. If he sucks, you can always dump him.
NO SETTLING! This one I learned from the ex fiancee. Instead of thinking this is all I can get. Don’t! Do not think that you’re worth nothing. If you can’t stand being around them, if you think that they will change their behaviours think again. They are who they are you’re not changing this.
WHEN IT GETS SERIOUS, FIVE YEAR PLAN IT. A five year plan really makes a difference. I did this alone, not with Michael. I thought, in five years do I see myself with this man, YES. If you got a no why are you still with him/her? In the next five years do I see us still spending time together, having children or whatever it is that is important to you.
So don’t dismay, get yourself out there and relax. Even with ADHD, I got someone, you can too.