Where is the baby?

by Stephanie Hurd in Uncategorized

January 1, 2015 • 1 comment

Before it was, “Where’s the perspective husband?” I was asked if I had found that special someone. People gave me unnecessary comfort that I didn’t know I needed being a single person. The more they asked, the more abnormal I felt. The more abnormal I felt about being single, the more desperate I became.

I said yes to a proposal to a man because I was desperate for love. He and I are no longer together. He was a good man, just not the person I should have been marrying.

Why? I didn’t know what I wanted. I was trying to learn what love meant and I broke his heart. To this day, I feel bad about how and why it happened. I feel bad that I let everyone influence me that I HAD to be married. I HAD to do it because my friends were doing it.

I then found Michael the love of my life. I have been married for three years. We have had interesting times, sad times, happy times and so on.

He has integrated into my life.

HOLD ON! WHERE IS THE BABY?
It is a question that has been flooding my brain since I got married. When is the right time for children? That’s up to myself and my husband, no one else.

WHERE IS THE BABY?

It has been asked by many people around me. I shouldn’t have to answer where the baby to anyone but myself and my spouse. However, over and over I seem to be getting this question.

However, let me make this clear, what you are asking is not okay. Making me squirm is not cool. I feel like I have a nervous knot in my stomach every time someone asks, I think, “What am I supposed to tell them?”

I then think to myself, “Why should I have to tell them?”
Think about this for a moment, what if it was like some of my friends who have fertility problems? They cannot physically have a baby and I know people ask them when they are having theirs. I have had a few friends who have had this trouble. What if it was like other friends I know who were having multiple miscarriages? You would be reminding these women over and over again that they can’t have a baby.

WHERE IS THE BABY?
But not just this question or comment, others that are equally insensitive…
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1) You look pregnant, you should cook for your husband and starve yourself
2) You’re selfish for not having a baby now
3) Stephanie will be having a baby this next year (Announcing it in front of all my friends)
4) Is there something wrong with you that you can’t have a baby?
5) It’s different when you have your own children Stephanie.
6) You don’t know the joy of motherhood.
7) Where is that baby?
8) You better have it now or you’ll hate the child later
9) If you don’t hurry up you will be too old to deal with a kid
10) Oh why worry? Just have the baby and you will be fine.
11) You don’t know what being a mother is like, not until they are yours

And the list goes on.
Everyone probably means well. I know this. You probably want to help me come to a decision as to when I will have a baby. You probably want to regale me with your tales and be involved with the life and times of the Hurd baby.

There are a few people who I am comfortable talking to in regards to when I am having a baby as well as what I feel about it and you know who you are. I still appreciate your support. I do talk to you regularly on the subject.

For the rest of you wonderful people who want to help, are curious or just want to share in my joy. This message I leave with you. I love you all. You are special people to me one way or another. You have been friends, coworkers, teachers and family.
I thank you for all the love and advice I have received over the years. I thank you for your friendship and your kindness. Believe me, when the right time comes to be pregnant I will let you all in on it.
Until then, please, stop asking when the baby is coming. You may be one person saying it once a day, week or month. However, imagine if everyone I knew said it once on any given day. It becomes a nightmare.

So there you have it, I am not pregnant. That doesn’t mean I don’t want to have a baby but I want to do what is right for myself and my husband. Thank you for your understanding.