Before marrying my husband in 2012, a few weeks before to be exact, my husband was anxious about being married to me. My husband as wonferful as he is, sometimes brings things up in the strangest manner. We were out with our friend Mark (Not real name). He looks at him and begins talking as if I wasn’t there.
Michael said, “What if she is just hyper focusing on me and that’s why we are getting married? What if after we are married she gets bored of me and moves on?”
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Why would he talk like I wasn’t here? Why would he think I would stop loving him?
Mark and him began discussing the issue. I felt horrible about this whole thing. I felt like I should ot even be in the room. I got upset. When Mark went to the bathroom I wanted to leave, to walk home. I told Michael I couldn’t believe him! I couldn’t believe after two years of knowing each other it came down to hyper focus.
I stormed out. It was ten O’clock at night. I knew the way home although it was dark and late. I called my Dad realizing how stupid it would be to walk home. He picked me up and said words to me I’ll never forget, “You and Michael are getting married. That means even though I am here to talk to, you talk out your problems with him. I can listen and be a Dad but HE will be your husband.”
After a few more minutes of discussion, Dad brought me back to the diner. The boys had just finished up. Dad rolled down the window and made it clear that it was our job to solve problems together.
I realized after talking to Dad that all men go through anxiety as well as women before marriage. His happened two weeks before, mine happened the day of our wedding.
Move forward four years. I am more in love with him than I was. Why? I learn everyday what kind of a man he is.
Michael’s worries about my ADHD were valid but were not true. I am and am not hyperfocused on my husband. He is the light of my life and I would do almost anything for him within reason. However, I have yet to get bored of him.
With our anniversary approaching. I think about how amazing these four years have been. I am so lucky to have someone who constantly deals with my disorder. He is there through anxiety, forgetting where I put everything and racing off when I forget an appointment. I think about how he has pushed me even when I think I can’t do it.
I am so happy he didn’t listen to the anxiety due to my ADHD and that my Dad made me go back to work it out.
ADHD is the third member of our marriage. It often means messy house moments and unpredictability. However, he and I dance through it every day.
Thank you Michael for getting married. It was a cold day but your heart made it warm.