When I was having the busiest time at work, my house became rather neglected on my end. My husband had to pick up the majority of the slack…or rather the skills that I lacked. The words, “I’m just going to sit down.” I know really annoyed him this week. The house falling apart yet again really annoyed him. He wanted it to be better. He wanted me to help as he felt buried.
I felt bad but I just couldn’t. My week was so hectic, that I almost forced him to throw our regular routine out the window. My regular routine was gone at work and I was so overwhelmed by all the constant surprises, I would come home just pooped. It didn’t feel like I should have been. I mean I worked and came home.
However, in the morning, I avoided taking my concerta right first thing in the morning. Instead, I would use the time to sleep. This time is precious. Typically two hours in the morning. Two hours I could be using for exercise or for house cleaning. Instead, all I could do was sleep.
Staring at my house left me feeling even more frustrated. I would pick up a few items for breakfast and place them into the fridge. It was so horrid that I couldn`t do more than that! I wanted to but I just couldn’t get the drive. It is amazing, the things we live for, more stimulation, different directions and so forth can also be the thing that plagues us.
Overstimulation can be a very defeating thing. I felt bad for my husband. I wanted to become a better person that week. I wanted to become energetic as I could and just focus on the house. However, I could only seem to focus on me. My boss said that I should expect to have a lot of surprises and changes in this job. I used to be very down with it and go with whatever flow that was set in front of me when I was in this job before.
However, now it seems like I have to relearn how to be flexible. In my old job, it was basically the same routine every day. Most days it is the same in the new job. Although, every so often some special event takes place that takes me away from my routine and I become almost lost in it.
I hated when it came down to that. I had been so lost as there were different events each day. What was the worst, I had minimal jobs within this week but I still had to be there and still had to be involved. All I could think of was, “Couldn’t someone else watch over my crew and I could go back to what I normally do?” I didn’t want to participate as I didn’t have any real assignments. Just help people do what was planned.
WHAT A PAIN! I normally work with at least twenty people a day. That week, I was lucky if I worked with ten of my people. It was frustrating. What was worse? I had to somehow pretend I was enjoying being there. My boss had an emergency.
I knew I had to use my drama skills. However, on the last day of this week, I was to run a cooking class. However, they wanted me to be at games for an hour before! Around the same time I normally prepared the food cart. When I finally prepared, I noticed there was one knife. GREAT! How was I supposed to get to the next activity, which started at 2:00PM when it was now noon…WITH ONE KNIFE!
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I managed with no break…which again, is a dumb plan. I went to the fun activity. I was supposed to dance and make everyone happy…well and hand out pie. I did all of the above. However, the band decided to stay longer than they were supposed to.
By then I snapped. I sat and refused to keep dancing. I was too tired and I wanted the band to just go home. I finally decided enough was enough. If I didn’t sit down soon I would scream at everyone. I took my crew back to their places. I then sat. I didn’t care that everyone else was cleaning around me. I decided to sit. I didn’t want to do this anymore.
One of the girls asked if something was wrong because this wasn’t the first time I went all quiet. They know if I am all quiet, there is something wrong. I am typically the little ball of energy. However, today I was not.
Expectations were too high. Becky (Not real name) is one of the other supervisors. She doesn’t exactly look after me. Just when my boss is gone. She stated, “Your class better not interfere with our afternoon activity.”
Another girl, Rita (Not real name) said, “So all my complaining didn’t change your cooking class to another day? It should have. It shouldn’t be on this day.”
I was so upset. This was none of Becky’s business. It was between myself and my boss. Rita complains about everything. She is hard to work with as I can feel her negativity. It sometimes hurts me.
Back to the day, I sat for an hour. I didn’t move. There was only one task I absolutely had to do. So that’s what I did when I was done sitting. I closed the door and composed myself. It wasn’t easy. However, it is something I have had to learn. I NEED to get my feelings out.
If I can’t approach the person who has annoyed me as it won’t solve anything, I have to have time to explore those feelings and let them out in another way. Most of the time it is thinking them through as sometimes they are jumbled thoughts. Other times it is just saying them out loud and acknowledging them.
So, now I am feeling better, the week is over and I am looking forward to getting back to what’s normal. I was thankful my boss came back and touched base with me. She is keeping an eye on my feelings as I was crushed that week and she can sense it.
I have ADHD and it can complicate things but I am so happy to have a supportive husband and boss who are able to guide me through my grumpies and make me smile once more. I hope you all have such a support.
I rewarded mine today with a massage as he deserves it. I love him so much for all he does and all he is for me. I married the right man. I really did.