The hardest part of ADHD would be what I call the one to a million factor. The one to a million is where you are shocked or completely angered by something and you react radically. Let’s say someone makes you do something that is wrong. A normal person would either call them on it or they would let it go. An ADHD person doesn’t like this situation. It involves them going to an extreme.
This extreme comes on very quickly. It can leave people stumped as to what to do. The extreme becomes an ultimate focus. At times we can let it go, other times, we get stuck. We cannot move forward as we are stuck in a neutral zone. So, how then do you move an ADHD person forward.
First off, I will tell you what not to do. Don’t ignore the problem. These feelings are real. The reaction may be wrong but there is something in there that needs out. This doesn’t mean to let them have a temper tantrum either. Hyperfocus almost controls a person.
Today, I had one of these angry moments. I won’t tell you what about but I will tell you what my husband did, he gave me a way to get me out of my funk. I am thankful for him. First thing you do, take out anything noisy or distracting. A person with ADHD has enough distractions and hurts in their heads without additions. Take them on a drive, go for a walk, move to another room. It doesn’t matter how you do it but remove them from the situation.
So, second thing you should do, is ask what is wrong. Once they tell you, repeat back what you are saying to make sure it is what you are interpreting is correct. ADHD people may think part of a sentence and say the rest. They may be three sentences ahead of themselves thinking wise and mix three sentences together. If he says, “I am embarrassed you made me look like a thief.” you could then say back, “So when I (blank) it made you feel like (blank)” give them time to answer. Although I must stress, do not let them control the conversation. ADHD get lost in their own heads and as a result, you’ll have a harder time finding them if they’re the ones who do all the talking…well that and you may feel unheard and stepped on.
Three, provide options. In this step, offering options or helping them to come up with their own is helpful to provide a way out. When you openly mock their extreme, they’ll hate you. If you offer or aide in options they now have an escape route, they’re no longer stuck.
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Last but not least, love them. Don’t throw the extreme in their face. Love them, tell them show them you love them. They know the extreme behavior is wrong most times (if they don’t you can point it out once they calm down). If they say they are sorry, they know what they did was wrong and wish to move on. Do not dwell on it whatever you do. This can lead into a relapse. Do not make light of the moment. It shows you love them when you accept their apology and move on. Tell them you forgive them.
LASTLY, carry on. It’s no longer the highlight of your day. Get them doing something else with you. Smile and remember life is good…if you let it be