Becoming a woman was tough. Yet I was expected to be a grown up when my mother left and it was left to me to raise everyone else. My older sister and her daughter along with all three of my younger brothers commanded so much of my attention that there was little left for me during those turbulent teenage years when a young girl transforms into a young woman.
I didn’t think it was of any importance and just did what came easy as a Tom Boy as I put my focus on being little miss mommy and accepted the label as the ugly sister who couldn’t do anything right in her life, so I might as well help my family do things right in theirs.
Accepting and developing myself as a woman wasn’t important to me till my father remarried and my step mother took over. Before that there were times people mistook me for his wife and as the frumpy mother of my siblings. (How embarrassing).
With my Step-mom (who is nothing like those evil Disney stepmothers you hear about) I was finally pushed away from worrying and being responsible for everyone else and encouraged to start living for myself and that I was important too. I was especially encouraged to stop hiding that I was a woman.
Thus at age 18 I finally started learning to be a woman and to make a life for myself. It wasn’t easy and it was, and still is, a long journey.
It started with a lot of prodding from my step-mom to limit the bandannas I wore each day. I was trained on how to use and wear a purse instead of sticking my wallet in my back pocket like my Dad. And of course learning not to sit like a boy on the few special occasions that required me to wear a dress.
It’s taken years of practice and overcoming a lot of self-abuse and punishment as I had a habit of beating myself up with lots of negative self-talk. In some ways it was painful to even care or love me for being me.
Of course there were boys I began developing an eye for at the time. And I could put on a decent show of myself when I put my mind to it, but with my own internal self worth issues I only seemed to attract losers and people who felt worse about themselves than I did.
Despite the freedom and encouragement to live my life I kept floundering with bad grades, repeating courses and exams I knew but couldn’t pass due to anxiety, giving up on things and habits I wanted in my life, and even almost getting fired. I just couldn’t give myself permission to be happy being me.
Storage conditions for Kamagra- Keep away viagra cialis online from reach of children. The women viagra period where the bodybuilder is not using is to get the body back to having a normal function. Erectile dysfunction/impotence turns more usual in men in middle age, but the choice of treatments results with most men finding something that response for them. on line levitra But these may be time consuming and complex, thus to help you have healthier erections easily, we bring forth realistic tips that not just assure but will definitely maximize your erections on viagra soft 100mg molineanimalaid.org all fronts. The big foundation was getting fully diagnosed with ADHD for the second time in my life. No longer did I have my father’s hang ups that it didn’t exist, but instead there was relief in understanding who I am and what I need to look out for in myself both good and bad.
Of course when I shouted with joy to those around me that I have ADHD most people just shot it down as if it was nothing to be concerned about; as if it was nothing and that I was nothing.
I know that’s not true and I also know that I’m not alone in the world with people beating themselves and each other up. Just as I was struggling with my own internal chatter of negative self talk, so we’re a lot of people around me.
But it doesn’t have to be that way. I may not completely love me yet but I will get there. I will keep trying.
ADDers, start to love the beauty that is you. Love your good and your bad parts, when you do, you can move forward. It takes time and effort to keep yourself moving. A butterfly isn’t beautiful all at once. A butterfly has to be a caterpillar first.
He is fuzzy, he is easily eaten up if he isn’t careful. However, once that butterfly becomes what it is meant to be, people are fascinated by them. The negative comments made at the once furry almost scary looking creature melts away. All the other people think, “How can something so ugly become something that beautiful?”
The butterfly knows it is beautiful after that. The positive comes to it more and more by the second. Do not forget that. Once you can accept yourself as fuzzy and weird, you too will make it into a cocoon and turn into something so beautiful, no one will recognize you. The comments they make will bounce off of you and you will see, YOU WILL SEE YOUR WORTH.
We are worthy of love. We are worthy of dressing and feeling beautiful. Showing the world our vibrant colours.
I am Stephanie Hurd…I have ADHD but it makes me beautiful and unique. I will continue to strive to like myself and soon, to love myself and I wish the same for you too.