After going to a restaurant, I was told I would have to wait to get in for dinner. As we walked around the area, I noticed two ducks. One female and one male, using a small puddle of water to catch their food in and have something to drink—to me, this was interesting. I saw that the male duck was standing lovingly beside the female duck.
Why was this interesting? I saw that the ducks, although they were far from a source of water like the river, they were able to develop security with their physical needs by improvising. I really admired these two ducks. Sometimes as I find myself unable to be as amazing to just wing things.
You would think people with ADHD would thrive on such things. Yes, they do. However, in my world that I lived in prior to this, my whole world was chaos. My sister was a bit of a attention hoarder plus had some legitimate health problems. My mother had her mental breakdown. We had a number of visits by social services. Every day was different. No day was easy.
I learned to simply blank out when I got in the door. I didn’t know if there would be an ambulance, if my mother would be having a temper tantrum like a child or if one of my siblings would be locked out of the house.
It was frustrating and almost debilitating with those two wreaking havoc in my life. I became the mother to my mother and the rest of my family. Thus, improvising came daily. Being a strong person who didn’t fall apart was my role.
Back to the ducks, they live for survival. To eat, to fly and to live—their world can be interesting but they keep going. Funny how well I could relate to them. Watching them improvise that day really made me think of how people and creatures alike have to find a way to build security in their lives.
We all have the right to exist, to be able to stand up for ourselves and deal with our own needs. However, how many times, like those ducks, do we stand up and just find a way? Often times, I found for myself, I would take care of others security before my own. Thus, I would never feel like I could seek it as the ducks did.
I would lose out on doing stuff for me like sleeping properly, exercising and eating properly. I would either under eat or over eat. However, that stuff does not bring balance into my life. I had to give up a lot of things to realize what I was doing to myself.
ADDers, we do this to ourselves a lot! We are so compassionate to others we forget ourselves. We must develop methods to allow ourselves to become secure in our own environments. I have been learning how to become more secure and to let go of my past. As many of you know ADDers are often ridiculed to just try harder or pay attention better. We have to release those negative things.
Here are some steps I have been working through:
1) Enjoy who you are: You are a unique wonderful person with amazing gifts. You can never feel secure in a world where you are constantly looking for someone to give you an explanation for who and what you really are.
1) Live in The Now: The biggest problem in life is that we replay the past and worry about the future. When we replay the past, we are reliving pain. When we worry about the future, we prepay for a subscription to failure. Trust yourself. Don’t keep wishing for the future, if you do that the present will run away with you.
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2) Be Truthful to yourself: You know you’re a winner. However, if you wrap yourself up in loser paper, the winner inside cannot come out until you rip it off. Tell yourself the truth, you are a wonderful person, you can do anything. Remember that. What we think we can accomplish comes true.
3) Let it go: This is a hard one for me but I am learning. If people say mean things to you, think of a river—the river flows with the negative words in it. You can see them flow down but eventually, they flow away. When you let things go, you will become more secure with yourself.
4) Reprogram: We all have things about ourselves that we hate. Almost like a virus these things sit there and hurt our lives. Don’t like it? Reprogram it! Ask yourself: What can I do? Make a plan and go through with it. Use the anti-virus to take it out. Put in a new program in your life to make yourself feel better.
5) Make Peace: Only when you love yourself can you love and help others. You cannot fix anyone else until you have dealt with you. It is easy to deal with others but soon they will take over. You need you just as much as you need your friends. So work on you before you work on anyone else. They have lived with themselves this long, they can survive without you working on their lives for a while.
6) I understand me: You know, this is a trap a lot of people get into. They think no one knows them. Suddenly, instead of finding a solution like the ducks did, we walk further away from the solution. Self pity is a hard road as it is as if someone is shooting you. You look to see who the shooter is and you’re surprised to see it is you. Stop shooting yourself, you know you and that’s good enough.
7) Be Constructive not Destructive: No one wants to be around a person who is always complaining that “life is not fair”, “Why isn’t the boss…?”, “Why doesn’t anyone else have to…?” or “Why always me?”. Everyone has tasks they don’t want to do and insecurities to deal with. The point is to deal with them. If you don’t, you’ll lose out on opportunities and good things in your life.
8) Dream it, Live it: If you truly want something, go for it. Make a plan. Find people who will support you in your plan. Go for your plan and be excited. The more excited you are the more likely you will get what you want. You may not be able to change who you are but if you allow yourself to dream and follow through will goals to make it happen, you can become who you want to be.
9) Communicate, Communicate, Communicate: How and when we communicate will make us more secure and grounded. If you treat people with respect, they will in turn treat you with respect. Make sure your words are kind and are something you would want to hear. Communicate how you feel without tearing people down. Your voice and concerns are important but remember, everyone else is just as important. By tearing people down, you are trying to hurt them to make yourself look better.
10) Get support Nothing helps more than a supportive person who loves you because you are you. Most people with ADHD don’t have thive support.
ADDers, like those cute ducks who took care of who they are, you can take care of who you are. The ducks found a way to take care of themselves, even in a downtown area. With your physical needs as well as your emotional, social, psychological and spiritual needs as well. As you continue to take care of your needs, you will excel beyond anyone’s imagination.
You are wonderful. How do I know? Because I know myself that I belong in this world and I am safe. I know I am responsible for my quality of life. I am important, and I have the right to express and fulfill my dreams. One day ADDers, you will learn this too (If you haven’t already)
I am Stephanie, I have ADHD, and I am constantly learning how to be secure with myself. I will learn from life how to keep going with this journey inside myself.