We talk to ourselves constantly throughout the day. In fact it’s been said that we can’t even go 11 seconds without talking to ourselves. And if you stopped reading to try it out for yourself that counting going on in your head counts as talking to yourself. š
Now, it’s not a bad thing and everybody does it. What is a bad thing is when you go from being a friend and cheerleader to yourself to your worse enemy and bring yourself further down than any middle school bully could.
A while ago Stephanie did a podcast on how negative self talk almost cost her graduating from High School. Overcoming negative self talk is still something both of us struggle with, but we are getting better and so can you.
One of the first steps in overcoming any problem is being aware of it. Yes, sometimes in the heat of the emotional moment we aren’t aware of what we are saying and doing. That’s OK, we are learning and there is nothing broken about you. If possible try and record your thoughts either by turning on the voice memo on your phone or taking out a sheet of paper and just writing out the flood of thoughts. Sometimes writing things down can slow down the speedy ADHD brain enough to get things back under control. Sometimes if we are around a loved one when the emotional gates break we can ask them to kindly repeat back what they just heard us say. Afterwards, feel free to be like Stephanie and burn the notes.
This is likely going to hurt a lot when we get a taste of some of the words we use against ourselves that we wouldn’t even use against our most hated enemy. Despite the adage that “words can never hurt me”, words can hurt and leave scars that if unattended will continue to fester.
It doesn’t have to be that way and remember always that you are not broken, so it isn’t a matter of fixing you. Think of it like a cluttered table. The table functions just fine and does a marvelous job at supporting all that junk. But it’s hard to do anything with that table with all that negative clutter on top of it. You can barely eat at the table and it is very difficult for the family to gather around it. It’s still possible, but it is draining to do so.
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Clearing off the table you’re free to use it as you please. Again, there’s nothing wrong with you or the table; it was all the negative energy that you allowed to dominate it and drown things out.
So clear off your mental table from time to time and be aware when stuff is piling up on it. One of the best ways is to stop complaining about yourself or others. Yes, even the negative talk we have about others can get stuck on our own table.
This is a hard journey and Stephanie and I are struggling with it too. But it is one whereĀ persistenceĀ and awareness can pay off even if we aren’t perfect. A little thought goes a long ways whether it be negative or better yet positive.
So what are some of the ways you keep negative self talk off of your table?