Have you ever found someone so boring you can’t stand them? I have! I have thought about walking out of a room or wondering why we were having this conversation. I have also thought about a million questions I could ask them to move them along a little faster. The funniest habit of mine is having a thought that I know is important and being so afraid to lose it that I sort of blurt it out without thinking.
ADHD is part of me but it doesn’t mean it is me. I am Stephanie Hurd—not ADHD Hurd. I am a person who is able to come up with strategies to become a better person. Sometimes it is about realizing that there are problems within one’s self. For me, it was knowing that hey, I will never be as good as everyone else but I can be the best me possible.
So that being said, our ADHD is not an excuse for this kind of behavior. Yes, they are boring! We just have to learn strategies for listening. If you didn’t know, there is often gems in speeches or meetings that we need to hear or listen to.
I mean let’s take my one friend Marvin (not real name) who was facilitating a newspaper reading program. Everyone left! He finished a half hour early. I think that there were probably some interesting facts or gems, just he wasn’t making it interesting enough.
The first thing you can do, is become less boring. How? Study the topics if you know the meeting notes before the meeting. This will help you to know what is going on, prepare questions and probably help you pay attention better.
TAKE NOTES! I don’t take the normal notes people do. I doodle my notes. I will doodle the topic we are talking about. I will draw pictures or line designs but hey, it is still notes. Taking notes will keep you on task. It certainly helps me most of the time.
This one has to do with both meetings and real life. It applies to non ADHDers as well as ADHDers. It is something we all equally do and I might add can drive a person nuts plus, ruin relationships. LISTEN FIRST, TALK LATER. It is funny, our minds are wired to shoot out a defense sentence to counter anyone’s sentences or for me, I want to try to relate to the person which sometimes just seems like I want to be the center of attention.
Listening first and trying to focus your brain on it…no defending, no coming up with your next sentence…just listen—this can be tough! I mean really, my mind moves a thousand miles a minute, how do I stop it to listen? Here’s a trick, bring a fidget toy when you have serious conversations—or, before you respond, find a focal point like a door, count to ten and let the information process, that way, you actually let it soak in and have an answer that makes sense for what you are talking about.
If you blurt by accident and catch it, just cue the person to continue with their thought. If you are afraid of losing it, write it down. It will keep your thought without being rude.
Now my favorite, the CELL PHONE ISSUE—to me, it is perfectly alright to answer a phone call when there is dead air. DO NOT answer your phone when you are in the middle of a conversation. Beauty of phones is they have two amazing devices on them…one is called the text message the other is called a voice mail. It is important people know that you are compassionate and want to listen.
Imagine the scenario like this:
STEPHANIE: Michael, I had a bad day at work, I really need to talk about it.
(Michael walks out of the room)
MICHAEL: Go ahead, I’m listening.
(Michael is going though files in the other room)
STEPHANIE: The noise level was so loud and…
MICHAEL: Yeah I know Mom, I know that really sucks, I will have to talk to them about that problem you’re having with your bank.
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(Stephanie walks into the room to see Michael talking on phone)
Now this is just an example but you can imagine how I would feel if I really needed to talk. When you take out your cellphone Non-ADHDer partners, we jump from A-Z…this could be a big problem for you as it means we get angry quickly. We thought you were paying attention and you weren’t. It can also be a bigger problem due to the fact that we will lose our thought…a thought that needs to be expressed. So, ignore or turn off your phone when you are having discussions. Your cell phone is for you, not for everyone else…a lesson I learned from an ex boyfriend.
For Non-ADHDers, yes, your partners will sometimes go into “Loop” mode when talking. The best way to avoid this so you don’t get bored is to validate their feelings.
Scenario:
Stephanie: I just didn’t want to do the dishes because they were stuck on and the dishes seem like a monster, a monster with fangs. A monster with crusty things on it and fangs—boy do I hate monsters with fangs in the form of dishes. I don’t want to do them, I am frustrated with dishes they are so horrible and…
MICHAEL: Okay, what I am hearing is the dishes are very overwhelming to you.
STEPHANIE: Yes! I can’t even start because I don’t know where to start.
Michael: Would you like a suggestion just to get you started?
STEPHANIE: I just don’t want to do them by myself.
Michael: So you’re saying if I do them with you we’ll get them done?
STEPHANIE: Yes, let’s go.
Isn’t that easier than babying them and getting the A to Z response?
ADHDers, if you REALLY have some problems with the interrupting thing, maybe get a boss or spouse to call you on it. It can be useful to know if your interrupting becomes a frustration or disruptive. Sometimes I need someone to just put a hand on my shoulder and just look at me calmly, it refocuses me and stops the disruption.
So good luck ADHDers, I hope you continue to learn about disruptions, interruptions and how we can all become better at NOT doing it so often.