Test taking is something that has always challenged me. I wrote a little about it in my last article. People have no idea though how it scares me. Even now, filling out a form that looks like a test is scary.
I remember my one friend Li (Not real name) was having problems remembering facts for social studies class. Li was really good with her math and science but social studies was always hard.
We studied for that test, I spurted out information that I had learned from class, things I was sure that would be on the test, even dates when things happened.
We studied two weeks for this test. She came out with I do believe a 95%…I on the other hand, 50%. How was this possible? Social studies after all is my favorite subject in school of all times. She wanted me to explain but I couldn’t.
I was too embarrassed to explain why I couldn’t do the tests. It was hard to tell people why I was having problems because I thought they would make fun of me.
People think tests are simple as long as you study and do the work; but they are not always that simple to one with ADHD. I can’t always say what is going on in my mind as it happens but it seems like when I write about it, what I wanted to say flows out.
I wait outside the test room which is the gym of the school…and every other student from every other social studies class stands out there waiting for their turn.
At first I am not nervous at all. I know this stuff, it isn’t a big deal.
However, as the students talk they say things like, “What if I don’t remember the answers?” and…”Did I study enough?”.
I begin thinking about what they are thinking. Man, what if I can’t do the test? What if the people are right? What if I don’t remember the answers? What if I go blank or what if I didn’t study enough?
Before I can see how much the other kids have studied, the doors open. Oh no, no, I don’t want to do this, I can’t do this. I need to go the other way. I need to leave before the test, if they cannot find me I cannot fail.
However, a friend motions me to follow her. I begin to take deep breaths thinking to myself, this isn’t as bad as you think it is.
Actually it is. They have all the tables categorized by last name. The letters seem to all blur together. One of the teachers tells me I have to find the rows H-L and then find my test booklet that has my name on it and sit down.
I see all these other students finding theirs with ease…I went too far as I wasn’t reading the letters well. I got back to where I was supposed to be, and finally sat down. However, I was embarrassed as I heard chairs move and people sit down.
We sat there in quiet for a few minutes…well sort of. I could hear students shoes squeak and tap along impatiently. Pencils were being drummed on desks, slowly as we awaited instructions.
Some students twirled their hair, others were slouched over on the desks. Students tipped their chairs, positioned themselves in desks and made lots of noise.
The clocks in the gym ticked—ticked away. The clock ticking was total havoc to me but normal to almost everyone else.
The teacher welcomes the people to the test and explains about how long it will be. She gives me a scan-tron sheet that I will choose out of A, B, C, D or E on the test.
We have two pieces of papers, the scan-tron and are told we can write on the test. We are also told we cannot leave unless we have to pee…in which case a teacher walks us to the bathroom and back. This is to ensure no one cheats.
As the test begins, I hear the ticking clock. The teachers were walking about the rows to ensure no one cheats. This is common practice and not a big deal to most who have been in the school system as long as I was.
However, to me, it was frustrating. You see, the clicking from the teacher’s high heels and dress shoes was making a rhythm…the clock creating a beat and together, they formed many songs.
I heard stuff like, “When the Saints go marching in” and “Baa Baa Black Sheep”…among others.
NO! NO! Do your test, stop thinking about songs and do your stinking test! I open it up. I read the first question through and look through the answers it could possibly be…I know “A”, “D” and “E” are wrong for sure so I cross them all out. It can only be two things, “C” or “B”.
Wait, someone is whispering…is it a student or a teacher. I look up to see who it is. They are talking and snickering to themselves. ARG! Shut up or tell everyone so I can stop focusing on you!
A student gets up and sharpens his pencil, my attention goes towards him. He blows off the pencil, rubs the end and sticks it back in the sharpener. Now he repeats the action again!
Who are you poking with that pencil that it needs to be that sharp and why are you sharpening it already? The two pencils I was given were pretty sharp, what do you need to sharpen it for?
Oh yeah, question one!
Okay “C” or “B”?
Well “B” looks more likely so I put it on my scan sheet. All is going well… I am on question 10.
WAIT!
Are the letters of my name written correctly on the sheet? You have to write them and THEN you have to color in the letter in the column right…did I do that?
I check it over….Oops, “P” is not colored in, how did I miss that?
Someone opens the door and walks out. I hear the slam. Who was it? Was it a student who had to pee? Was it a teacher who had to pee? Why do they call it pee anyway? I mean it is yellow isn’t it? Why do they spell “Pee” as the yellow liquid that comes out of you and “Pea” as a green delicious veggie?
CONCENTRATE! Your Dad always says to focus. I am trying but those teachers are walking about again! A slower rhythm this time…slower than the clock—the song comes out just the same…”We’re the Monkeys” By the Monkeys starts playing in my head.
Why can’t they just have cameras? Then they would stop walking around!
Okay, FOCUS!
I get down to question 20 when the door opens again. Oh! It was the principal who had to pee! Yay, mystery solved! Back to the test.
I wonder if I got the last twenty questions right…well maybe I should recheck to make sure. I always seem to miss something.
Going down the multiple choice questions…
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WAIT! CRAP!
I skipped a bubble on the sheet!
Crap, that means they are all down one! Okay, calm down, I can fix this.
*COUGH, COUGH, COUGH*
Yuck, someone is coughing and not covering their mouth. Have you ever heard of germs?
OKAY! FOCUS! I have to fix the sheet. Move one up, erase…move one up…erase.
SHOOT! I skipped one by accident! Now I have to see what I answered for number three.
OKAY! ALL FIXED—I think.
*CREEEEEAK*
Wait, someone just got up with their test paper? They can’t be done already! I don’t know how much time I have left.
What time did we start this thing again? Hmm…was it One or One thirty…Maybe it was two. OH CRAP!
CALM DOWN, all is well. Accept that teacher keeps looking at her watch and tapping her foot like this is some inconvenience for her. What’s your problem? It’s not like you have to take the test.
Okay…back to work…getting through…but more students are getting up. I am only on question fifty out of one hundred and twenty questions and people are getting up? Crap, do I have enough time for this thing?
Get back to work…fifty’s answer is “B”
….Fifty one is “B”
I wonder if there is a sequence to this. I mean if a teacher is bored and just tries to make shapes out of the multiple choice scan-tron sheet. That would be fun.
Okay, keep going…you’re almost there…but more students are getting up and now you’re on question fifty five.
OKAY! You obviously are running out of time…the teacher didn’t say you were but maybe they just don’t want to tell you.
I BETTER HURRY THIS UP! I am going to guess the next ten questions and then skip ahead to 65…That should make it go faster. “A”, “B”, “B”, “A”, ”C”, “D”, “E”, “A”, “D” and “C”.
Okay, now onto sixty five…sixty six…sixty seven.
MORE STUDENTS ARE GETTING UP! That’s it, just fill out the rest of the test!
You haven’t studied enough, you probably don’t remember the rest of the answers anyway. The teachers in the corner won’t shut up, the three walking teachers won’t stop walking and more people are sharpening pencils.
The clock won’t stop ticking, people won’t stop tapping their pencils and that guy behind me keeps kicking his legs and hitting my chair. The girl beside me keeps leaning her chair.
I NEED OUT OF HERE! FILL THEM IN! I CAN’T TAKE THE NOISE! I WANT TO BE OUT OF HERE, I CAN’T TAKE THE DISTRACTIONS…PEOPLE MOVING BACK AND FORTH!
JUST FILL IN THE ANSWERS AND YOU CAN GET OUT OF HERE.
PHEW, I AM FREE!
Test isn’t over yet though…tomorrow is the written…but at least I have ordered a computer so I can reorganize my random thoughts. At least there is no scan-tron sheet to meddle with.
Now I can rest easy…for now.