Why Things Must Change?

by Stephanie Hurd in Uncategorized

January 11, 2012 • 4 comments

I have in recent times met people who are not into change within another person, and who have an aspiration to fight it tooth and nail. The two are hurting the person who is trying to promote a transformation in his life, but they are in part hurting themselves. It is a peculiar sight in my mind. Imagine a person longing to add something new to his life. The two mentors he looks up to most are trying to throw enticements and intimidation into the mixture to both sweet talk him out or throw him into an poignant pit to bring to a halt the very alterations being formulated in his life.

 Imagine what it would be like if nothing changed. Babies wouldn’t become anything but babies and they would die. People would never have any chance to see what they could do. No one would learn, grow or live life. The weather in my city would be an Iceland and we would all die…some would have nice barren regions without a change of weather.

 No, things must change for the common good of the people. People need to grow and to learn. People need to become old so that young people learn how to be young. Weather must proceed or nothing would grow or flourish, in a sense, we would all die off.

 I think Anatole France seemed to put it best when he said: All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another. It’s funny how true that is…thinking about our acceptance to death, it is like the receiving end of change. You have denial, anger, bargaining, depression and finally acceptance.

 In the first place, a person certainly does not want to believe that change is eminent. Change mean things become unlike anything you have experienced. Take the end of high school for instance. I would have given anything to stay one more year as I was petrified of becoming an adult. I convinced myself that I would stay a child, I wouldn’t change for that whole year. At that time, there I was, walking the stage—realizing I would never see most of these people again. I was about to embark on a new journey, learning new things about my life.

 Second of all, people become angry at the change. I have heard it resonate down hallways, being squawked at to a couple who choose to be married and others do not agree. How angry they are at a change that surely must take place. They are outraged at the audacity of the person who is implementing the change as they really had no say—or in other words no control. It is out of their control, so therefore it is only right that everyone suffer as that is the only thing the person can control.

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 Which leads us to our next stage, bargaining. Who hasn’t tried to stick to the old ways? What you know is less scary. Waking up every day to the same breakfast, going to the same newspaper stand or whatever, is familiar, not scary. However, what if the newspaper stand burned down, what would you do then? Would you go to a new one? Or bargain with the city to build a new one? You would actually be surprised that some people would bargain and would resist getting a newspaper from somewhere else. Some people would convey their anger and try to find a way, instead of accepting the perfectly good one three blocks down, ask for one to be built.

 Bargaining demonstrates self pity, trying to retrieve back what you have lost. You may blame yourself or try to retrieve back what you had. However, it is a hindrance and takes a lot of energy. Your old comfort zone isn’t getting you anywhere, it is just keeping you the same. You’re allowing yourself to stand at the foot of your preverbal mountain instead of climbing it due to fear.

 Next, depression, a sadness that lingers as the change is still taking place. Depression is a sense of hopelessness, that severe longing for things of the past to make one feel comfortable in their own skin again; like I was at the end of college. I didn’t have a job, I was stuck in almost a hiatus. I wasn’t leaping as far as I could to get a job. I was just sad I wasn’t a kid. I loathed the idea of my mother and father not taking care of me, I guess. I didn’t want to be an adult. The thought horrified me. I spent my time watching soaps and making flowers out of play dough for a while—staying in my Pyjamas until I knocked some sense into myself.

 Finally, acceptance, the best part, the change has arrived at now you are ready to push the limits and go forward in your life. It is absolutely beautiful. It requires you to embrace life and to learn. You become a free agent, able to grasp onto opportunity, new experiences and yes, even love.

 So, why do we have to grieve the way things were? Sometimes, I believe that we grieve because remembering those times made us comfortable and warm. Those memories will always be there. However, my recommendation is sometimes, changes need to happen whether we know it or not, most times we need it.