I took a picture from my Iphone with my husband. If you look at it, what do you see missing? MY HUSBAND! No you’re not dreaming, I cut him out of the picture. Why would I do that? I mean really, I love my husband. I love him so much I have trouble letting him go in the morning. So why would I cut him out?
That’s easy, he looked so sad. We went to Lake Louise Alberta, (a beautiful place that needs further exploration in my mind). The master plan was to see the larches change color as it is fall. However, there was a hitch, we needed four people to go up. As a person who is a rule follower I told him not a chance.
He wanted to make it happen. If he could have he would have asked every single person on earth. I just wanted to enjoy the beauty as I had been cramped in a car for three hours. I won the battle but not the war. The whole time, he was sad and wanted to go up to see those larches.
The whole time he couldn’t just give up the master plan to enjoy the beauty that I was seeing because the goal had not been met. He was so sad the whole time.
No, I am not dishing my husband, and yes I am getting to me. First I tried taking a walk by myself which didn’t help me feel any better. I went back to get him. He came with me at last! I thought I made progress…but he was still sad.
I began trying to be super happy. I was talking to random people. I was trying to make him smile by singing to him, telling stories about the beauty around us and acting outrageous. It wasn’t working. Nothing was working at all.
Soon I became sad and he was now most upset. He changed and tried to be outrageous but it was too late, I was holding onto this realization that my plan had not worked. I let this negative monster into my heart and nothing at that moment was going to make me feel better as I wouldn’t let it.
You see? We both love each other a lot. We want the other to be happy. However, sometimes, when a person is down it is almost as if they want to bring that person with them. Well, they mainly do this negative deed unconsciously. However when we realize what we have done, normally we feel bad about it and try to fix it.
When that negative monster is standing there and telling you that, ‘you suck.’ You really do if you believe him! So how do you stop listening to him? You have to let it go. First thing I have to think about is simply, expectations.
When you expect things to always go your way or to go a certain way, you set yourself up for failure. It makes it harder to let things go. When we put expectations on people, we’ll always play out in our mind what we think will happen versus what will. It improves only one thing, our ability not to let go of things. If we stay in this frame of mind, we give the negative monster more words. We do not trust people.
Focus on something you can control. Face it, we cannot control other people. We just can’t, it doesn’t work that way. Would you really want to? I mean if the person at work doesn’t do something and you do it, why do we get mad? It is simply because we expected this person would know to do her work.
Don’t expect anything. What can you control? You can ask them to do the task instead of always doing it for them. You can ask them if they knew they were supposed to do the task. At any rate, find what you can control.
I couldn’t control that it was raining in Lake Louise. I couldn’t control that the other couple that wanted to go up didn’t feel like going in the rain. I couldn’t control how my husband felt. What I could control was my ability to look around in another area that didn’t require four. I wanted to do this because I needed to move no matter what.
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Express yourself. Letting it go requires getting it out. You cannot get things out by stewing and becoming a victim. Maybe you don’t know how to let it go. I know I have had that problem. I have had it where I cannot stop hyper focusing on a situation and I have to tell my husband I want the thought to stop. Michael sometimes comes up with the solution. In one case, he fed me and I stopped going back and forth.
Express yourself through painting, journaling or whatever makes you able to let go. DO NOT escape your feelings because they are most important. Escaping can be anything from going into a fantasy land like a video game to getting sucked into TV. I have often turned on a show to calm my mind but before I do, I will face my feelings.
Talk to the person who has wronged you. Tell them why you’re hurting. Allow them to hear you out and ask, “Is this what really happened or am I going over board?” Sometimes we interpret one thing and learn that we are off base. When you ask what another person is feeling or thinking, you may learn that both assumed the wrong thing—or maybe you took it too hard. Perhaps you’re on the ball. However, you won’t find out until you talk to them. Most times, people don’t know they hurt you, they speak before they think.
Get rid of relationships that don’t make sense anymore. ( NO NOT MICHAEL he makes perfect sense). I am talking about friendships that are harmful. If someone is causing you to be more stressed on than it is worth, get rid of them. I don’t care if you have known them since you were four! Get rid of them.
I had one friend who would just use me. When I was going to go on the second date with my now husband, she insisted I go with her while she got her hair, nails and makeup done. Mary (Not real name) figured she would be able to squeeze me into all these things and I would be able to do them.
The only problem was, she didn’t make an appointment. The make-up artist had no time for me, nor did the nail person. The hair dresser was barely able to fit me in. What made things worse was I was supposed to cook for this double date. I was stressed, no makeup done, working on food and not even dressed for the date.
Finally, Mary said she would finish dinner while I got ready. However, she burnt the noodles. Michael ate them anyway trying to be nice. I was embarrassed when I ate them. I am a very good cook and I don’t serve garbage to anyone normally. This was my first impression of cooking for him.
Anyway, Mary would always pull these stunts. She would get her needs met, I was second. She would sleep over at my house when she felt sick because I would take care of her. Mary would leave the couch bed out, her clothes everywhere and wouldn’t clean up after herself.
She would also say very outrageous things to make me feel embarrassed or scared for her. She would often be sexual to Michael. She would also threaten to kill herself and say her life sucked. It really hurt me.
I ended up getting rid of this relationship.Believe me it wasn’t completely my idea. Michael had to point out how she was hurting me. My roommate Alex (Not real name) told me that I was crazy to let her walk all over me.
I did it for my sanity. If I didn’t, I would have continued to go down the upsetting plan she had set out for me. To be miserable with myself and to be fully devoted her out of fear. I wasn’t going to have it. All the people in my life were right.
So, letting go is not easy but it is worth it. I know I have a long way to go before I can let go. I am Stephanie, I have ADHD and I want to let go of anger, hate, frustrations and things I cannot control. I will have to continue working on this for the rest of my life. I hope one day to be able to let things go easily.
I love my husband, he is my support and my best friend. I thank him for allowing me to share his story so that I can learn more about me. He is my heart. With him, I have become a better person. I have been better at letting go and learning about what I cannot control. For that is the other part of being able to let go, support.