Sometimes the hardest part of setting goals is the actual setting of them. I remember when I was without the ADHD medication, I wanted to get out of my Dad’s house. I would say it almost daily but I couldn’t seem to plan it. I did want to go. Living there was absolutely horrid. Soon we had two children living there. Not only was I a young adult trying to find my identity, but I was a young adult who was being almost smashed down by my father who would tell me when to go to bed and be absolutely furious if I didn’t tell him where I was and what I was doing.
Finally, many things got me started on a path. First off, almost being fired, I began to take ownership of my ADHD. Next, on my medication, I was able to finally formulate a plan. It was wonderful. I asked someone to help me with this plan and to become my roommate. The only trouble was, I hurt myself.
I couldn’t go out and look for the place to rent because I was in a ridiculous amount of pain from an accident at my job. She did all the work and I got to move into my house. Suddenly there was a problem, I didn’t want to move into the basement suite we were going to move into. I cried, made excuses for not going to live there.
Dad realized this and assisted me to understand that I should move upstairs. Although the roommate ended up moving out because of this decision, I have never regretted it. Without making this goal, I would never have learned what it was like to live with others on my own.
This lesson was one that would lead to my husband. You see, one thing he wanted in a woman is one who didn`t live at home and wanted one who had lived with roommates. I didn`t get why at first, but now I get it, it is obvious why he wanted a woman who lived with roommates. When you live on your own, you learn so much about yourself.
This was a goal that was hard for me to deal with but I am sure many others have problems with goal setting.
How do we start?
Pick a goal! ADHD people have multiple thoughts, a hundred ideas. It’s like you’re trying to find a blade of grass in a park that is perfect to go with and you just can’t seem to see the right one as the one blade is surrounded by many blades. Don’t fear! You can do it. Pick a dream and live it. Pick one at a time. Each goal is a dream. Whether you’re trying to find everything on your grocery list or trying to better yourself by going back to school, each moment of your life is a dream until it is picked up and you run with it.
Simplify your GOAL! ADHD adults, this one is hard for us. One thing links to a hundred things. Let’s think about the goal we picked. Let’s say, I want to be healthier…that’s a big goal. It is an overwhelming goal. It often means, the more overwhelming, the less likely we’ll do it. So take your larger goal and break it down into parts. For instance, I will become healthier by making one green smoothie a day for thirty days. I will see how I feel, if I lost weight and re-evaluate my goal after I am done. If it is working for me, I will continue that goal and add on another goal like, I will get healthy by exercising thirty minutes a day three times a week.
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Write it down! Do you have a white board? I have one on my fridge. I also have a calendar on my fridge. When you have a goal, you need to see it or you’ll forget. What a joy! ADHD people do not always remember everything not because they don’t want to, because like I said, there’s just so many things to remember. By writing it down and placing it in a place you can see it, you’re more likely to remember your goal and by remembering, you’re more likely to achieve it.
Review your goal often! What are you doing to make this goal come true? For me, I have an email that will be sent to me every day about the smoothie of the day. As well as a smoothie grocery list for the week to remind me what I need for my goal. Remember, it takes 21 days to make a habit, the more you review your goal, the more likely you will be making your steps to accomplish it.
Desire! Why are you doing this goal? Ask yourself this question often. If the goal has no value to you, it won’t be met thus, you get rid of it. If the goal is going to benefit you, carry on. I remember one time a boss asked me to make a performance plan, goals to make to make your work better. Unfortunately, I didn’t know what she wanted nor did I really care about these goals as I just copied them to make her happy. When I didn’t accomplish what she wanted she was upset. So, desire is important. If you don’t care about your dreams and you just expect them to happen, they won’t.
Prioritize. Get rid of things that will get in the way of your goal. If you find you’re trying to procrastinate your goal, figure out why you’re doing it. Once you know why, figure out the biggest time wasters in your life. Mine is Television, it is the one factor that keeps me from being healthier. However, it is funny, since breaking down my goal to be healthier, I have more energy and watch less TV.
SAY NO! This one I have been saying again and again. It is something I have had to learn. If your goal is to have less clutter in your home, and someone wants you to buy more junk you don’t want, say no. If you are trying to quit smoking, you don’t go outside with other smokers as you will probably light up. Saying no is hard for people with ADHD, we often think we’re God and can do anything but sometimes, we have to realize if we want something, we have to let go of responsibilities we don’t have time for and extra stuff we can’t fit in.
Be firm but Flexible! Make sure you follow through with your goal, don’t bend when it is too hard. Find someone to answer to if you feel you aren’t doing well so they can give you a weekly chatting session about how you are doing. Work at it one day at a time. However, at the same time, if a goal is not working at all…if you have been giving it your all, re-evaluate this goal and make changes to it to make it work better for you. Every plan A should have a plan B. What works for George doesn’t always work for me and often I have to change things to make this goal for me.
Stay positive! You can do whatever you set your heart and mind to. Positivity is hard. However, it means you’re more likely to achieve your goals. Now remember, get a cheering buddy. I can’t stress this enough. Everyone does better with a cheerleader.
So, why is it important to live your dreams? So that when you look back on your life you don’t have “I could have” or “I should have” statements that will cripple you later. You are a wonderful person with potential and you can do anything you want to.
I am Stephanie, I have ADHD and guess what? I am living many of my dreams. I have a husband who loves me, it was always a dream of mine to marry a man who I could be myself around, and he does that. I have a job I love, I have always wanted to do something where I can be creative. This in turn makes me feel more secure with myself.