I wrote an article in March that was called, Dare to do well, learn to say No. In this case, I am almost repeating myself. However, I am saying it in a new way. Dare to do well, learn to say yes—to you. Remembering yourself can be complicated when NEGATIVE people exist in the world. I work with someone who is super negative. Instead of dealing with the problem, she yells loud and asks what others are going to do about it. It can be often degrading and make you feel like you have done something wrong.
One thing I have learned is when I am not there, the world goes on. Another way of putting that is, I should not feel that everything is entirely my responsibility. If I need a break, and am entitled to one, I need to take it.
The issue was today, there was only two of them out there when normally there is at least three out there. Was this my fault, no. I wanted to help them. However I had been working straight from 10:00AM-2:00PM. I know one thing, if I don`t take responsibility for my breaks, I do not get one. I am not trying to be mean or to be rude. However, I know if I need something, I have to still put me first.
People forget that to the point that they begin hating their jobs. You cannot take care of anyone else unless you take care of you. No amount of complaining from them can change that. If you don’t remember you, then you will constantly put yourself last and burn out.
It is easy to forget yourself but you are important. You are the only person you truly have to worry about. If you remember that, the rest will fall in place. Your advice may be gold but if they don’t follow it, don’t worry—you are the only one you have to worry about. Hard concept huh?
I thought this was the most painful thing I had ever encountered. Me? Deal with myself? Really? But my brother is having this issue—my mother needs this…my niece….WOE STOP! You need to remember, sometimes we hide under other people’s problems so we don’t have to deal with ours.
Saying yes to you means allowing yourself time to learn and grow. To see what you are amazing at and excel. To change what you think you hate about yourself. If we focus on everyone else but us, then we forget ourselves. Are you allowing yourself to say you’re not important too?
Think about airlines as an example. When an airplane has a problem and the air masks go down, we are encouraged to put ours on first before helping others. It is because if you die, what good are you to a child?
Do not forget, both adult ADDers, Spouses and parents with ADHD that you need to be first.
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ADDers, if you do not take care of you, you’ll wear thin. Face it, we have issues with focus and cleanliness and so forth. If you wear yourself thinner at work, you will do less everywhere else. No one gets a free lunch, not since they were in the womb were we able to have free lunch or rather a free ride. So, if you don’t take care of things in areas where you need to (Due to allowing yourself to be worn down in another capacity) you’ll end up hurting those around you.
Set your boundaries. Think before you take on extra assignments. Extra assignments mean extra work. You ask yourself, do I have time for this? If you don’t, say no. Don’t say it meanly. Just say, “Look, I really would love to help you out but I am behind in my own work. Maybe you can ask so and so who looks like she/he has a lighter day.”
TAKE YOUR BREAKS, TAKE YOUR BREAKS, TAKE YOUR BREAKS! I have been an offender of this one. I will hyper focus on work related tasks and often forget about breaks. I then would come home mighty tired. ACK! Don’t do it! It hurts you and it doesn’t help the people you are working with or for to have a burnt out person who will eventually become useless to them.
ADHD Spouse, learn that sometimes you have to get your spouse rolling but they generally do want to help you and do want to love you. DO NOT DO ALL THE CHORES! You will burn out. They will help. Maybe they need a person to talk to them while they clean.
If your spouse is on an all purpose energy high where they cannot settle but you have, go take a nap and let them have their power energy high. Come back to them and remind them that you want them to sleep in the same bed and what time it is. Most times they just lost track but remember you, remember you need the sleep. Explain to them your needs as they may not always understand or recognize that need.
ADHD PARENTS! No, I didn’t forget you. I hate when all focus is on us ADDers but sometimes, be honest to yourselves, you let it happen. We are great at making lives complicated. Parents with kids, FOCUS! Kids with ADHD do need a lot of time and effort but you need to make time for you. Stop ripping your hair out when a behavior comes out for ONE NIGHT A WEEK at least. You need that time. Have a hobby, go out with some friends. I don’t care. Just leave it alone. Remember who you are. You are a beautiful person.
So how important are you? Find a way to remember yourself every day. Don’t let people dictate what you need. In my case, they were short, I am sorry about that. However, it wasn’t my fault—it was the situation. However, I knew I would have been a cranky worker had I not sat down. I came back and in the nick of time, saved the day by playing the guitar when the music stopped working and everyone was leaving.
I am Stephanie, Yes I am ADHD but I am learning to say yes to me.